Shouting instructions, running fast.
Everything felt so real. I heard Calvin screaming his lungs out. "Evans!
Duck!" He saved me from a bullet, but I couldn't do the same when that
bomb exploded. And I woke up. I was sweating with desperation. Tears were
running down my cheeks. How could I be so stupid? General Thomas said no to the
mission because it was dangerous, and I didn’t want to believe him. Maybe I was
never scared of the possibility of actually dying. Then everyone died, and that
haunts me every night in my dreams, and every day in my every action.
Calvin was a great friend, we met in High
school when we were both young and innocent adolescents. He was very mature
when deciding important stuff. Neither of us wanted to separate from each
other; but, we didn’t like universities. We joined the U.S. Military Force in
the middle of summer, we ended up being in the same group of new students,
that’s when we became a powerful couple among the new recruits. We wanted to
change the world and learn everything we could; but, I took that option from
him. I will never forgive myself. I can still hear his voice in my head, and it
feels like hell. I rather just die.
“Evans! Duck!” I shouted at him. Evans was
fooling around as usual when a bullet got close to him. It was funny at first,
but I had a really bad feeling. Evans asked General Thomas about our mission to
the East side of India, he said no. I was there. We arrived at our group and he
said “Let’s go, we have green light from our General” and I couldn’t believe
it. Evans said it was not dangerous, but deep down my conscience I knew that
idea was stupid. A part of me wanted to believe him, because he was my best
friend; I knew he didn’t mean to hurt us, but something was not right.
We were there. In the middle of an Indian
Temple. It was so enchanting. Details everywhere, sculptures surrounding us,
telling the story of an old culture. Evans was being a jerk, pretending to kiss
the statues, dancing and mocking the sacred rituals. We all felt like defiling
that special place. “Stop it already” said the youngest recruit, “You’re being
annoying”. Evans moved from the middle to the west part of the building, close
to the door, where the bombs were kept. “Calvin!” said Evans, “I found the
golden pot!” “Shut up dumbass! I know what they are, don’t even joke with them”
I whispered; but, as usual, he didn’t pay attention. One thing led to another
and sooner than later Evans was holding the bomb. The A.T.X. bomb, the only
weapon that could destroy the whole city. Evans was pretending to drop the
bomb, some of us were laughing at his funny faces; but, something in my gut
told me something terrible was about to happen. Evans kept fooling around; but,
the end was near, and I could feel it. Evans dropped the bomb. He was pale like
a ghost. The group was laughing; but, a strong feeling overwhelmed me. Death
was just around the corner. “Run!” shouted Pratt, the young kid. Evans
disappeared, I assume he left the building because he was really close to the
door. Then, the clock started ticking: the bomb was about to explode.
Days came and quickly faded away. Every
day felt the same as the day before. Waking up, sweating and trying to take my
memories out of my brain. The appointment with Dr. Becky Johnson was at 4 in the
afternoon; but, after fighting against my memories, I had no energy to move at
all. It was starting to rain, my just adopted cat meowed at me with a pleading
face like begging me to go and receive help. My demons were the biggest
challenge of being home. 3 o’clock. I couldn’t resist the impulse of calling
Calvin’s phone, it rang because it was locked in between his old stuff. But I
knew he was not going to answer. My hands were shaking again, and the reason
was obvious, flashbacks of the bomb exploding and destroying everything around.
3:25. My cat started to scratch the door like showing me the way to go. I felt
like drowning in a black river of desperation.
There was no escape from the vastness of that realm. 3:47 and the phone
rang. “Hi, this is Dr. Becky Johnson, I believe you must be Andrew Evans, you
have an appointment at 4, are you coming?” I was blown away. Her voice felt
like an angel was calling from heaven to let me know my demons were about to
disappear. “I’m leaving my house right now” I lied convincingly, “I’ll be there
in about five minutes” I continued. I never wanted to go; but, talking to her,
made it a little easier. I put on my shirt and shoes, I checked my cat’s food,
and left the building. I forgot about the rain, so I ended up grabbing a cab
and catching a cold. I was soaking wet after a couple of seconds; but, a taxi
came by faster than I thought.
Dr. Johnson’s office was a warm place to
be. Her secretary received me with a towel and a cup of coffee, she was so nice
to me. Alexa was that kind of secretary that you know everything she is asked
to do, she does it perfectly. “Would you like to wear one of our robes while
your clothes get dry?” she asked in a soft sweet voice. I changed clothes and
gave her the wet items. “Mr. Evans, come in” said Dr. Johnson. She was even
prettier than I had imagined: ginger, tall, freckles on her face, beautiful
smile and kind hands. “Yes, I’m going” I said, trying to hide my shock.
The whole room was welcoming, it smelled
like cinnamon and apples. The walls had an orange tone, kind of pumpkin-pie
orange, that kind of orange; the sky pictured a sunset, like when the sun is
about to disappear. The whole office was different to any other. Yellow
Christmas lights were hanging in the border of the room, giving the office a
very familiar look. “Are you ready?” her voice interrupted my examination. I
smiled and sat in front of her. She smiled nervously and asked the first
question.
The sound of the explosion made my ears bleed. The
beep was getting to my nerves. I couldn’t really understand what was going on
around me, debris were all over my body. I could only hear people screaming
their lungs out, they were slowly fading away. My body felt like a burning
uncontrolled fire, wounds were all over my skin, blood was covering my face and
I could taste it in my mouth. Somehow, on top of all my physical pain, there
was something else, something way more painful than any scratch my body could
have: Evans letting me down for the very first time. Hours passed, the blood
that was covering part of my eyelid got dry and hard. It was really hard to
move. From one second to the next, I felt I was dying, white lights were
covering my sight, and maybe that’s what they mean with “walking towards the
light at the end of the tunnel” it felt relieving, like dying was the best
option for my injured body and torn soul.
My conscience started to come back, like if my mind
wanted to survive. It was not my time to die, I still have issues to solve. A
group of people was around me, they looked calmed and peaceful, and they just
wanted to help. They had a very distinctive way of walking, moving and talking,
they were more harmonious than the situation itself required, like if they knew
everything was going to be alright. Physically, they were like normal people,
just that they were bald and had a happy face. They were wearing Muktsari Kurta
robes: the ones that fall to the knees and are cut straight. Their colors were
calming orange with golden edges. The sun reflected its light on those robes,
and I felt like I was being lighted up by Heaven. They checked all over the
place for survivors; but, I was the only one alive on that area, and I must
say, I was about to die. They held me up and put me in a stretcher, every part
of my body shook with pain, every part of my inner organs felt out of place. It
was the biggest pain I’ve ever felt. It hurt so much that I faded.
“And why did you do that?” she asked, like demanding
an answer. Dr. Johnson looked at me with a pleading face, “Are you ok right
now?” I didn’t know what to answer, my brain wanted to tell her everything;
but, something seemed to stop me. I meant to tell her every detail of the
incident, how I dropped the bomb, how I mocked my friends, how I let Calvin down,
how terrible I feel, I wanted her to know how embarrassed I felt about my past
behavior, how stupid it was for me to pretend everything was going to be ok. I
don’t know how I can walk freely by myself when I know I killed people, I know
it, the army knows it, and Dr. Becky is about to find it out. Nothing hurts
more than the pain of knowing all of this is my fault. “Mr. Andrew, you can
trust me, nothing will cross this walls, and you’re safe with me”. She stared
at me, calmingly waiting for words go come out of my mouth. Without hesitation,
my lips started moving, they were telling the stories of lost dreams, stories
of an old version of myself that I didn’t want to remember. Dr. Becky’s face
turned pale when realizing all those stories belonged to me, she was scared and
curious, she tried to hide it, but it was too obvious.
“Professionally, I should help you move on; but,
personally, I don’t know what to do. I can’t give you medicine for the pain you
feel inside, but I can’t let you go like that”, said Dr. Johnson. Her face
asked for forgiveness, when indeed, I was the one who needed to be forgiven for
everything I did back in India. Australia seemed like a safe place to be for a
murderer. “I know I should not ask you this, because we’re under a strict rule
of not dating patients; but, if you’re ok with it, we could go to have lunch
one day, there you could let me know more about what happened”. I looked at her
confused, was she asking me out on a date? What does that mean? Was I supposed
to share my personal insights with her? “Of course!” I said, not believing my
own voice. “Tomorrow?” asked Becky, expecting a happy ‘yes’. “Sure, I will pick
you up with my car”
“Time’s up”, Alexa’s voice whispered through a
microphone. I knew I had to leave, but that magical hour in that office left me
speechless. Another rule that was about to be broken. Well, I had broken too
many rules to care. I picked up my clothes from the dryer, gave the robe back
to the secretary, and left the building. Lucky for me, the rain had stopped, the
smell of the surrounding plants reached my nose, I was in a good mood, who
wouldn’t be? I had a date with heaven’s doctor, I was starting to feel lucky
again.
*beep*, *beep*, *beep*, *beep*, and I woke up. The
needle carrying the intravenous on my veins was burning like fire, I must have
been knocked out for a couple hours, but I couldn’t really know. My clothes
were a Kurta robe and loose pants. The whole room smelled like sterilized
towels, the tiles were all white, curtains were a pale shade of pink, and the
ceiling was decorated with tiny golden stars. That hospital was pretty nice
compared to others I’ve been to, at least here I was able to rest and recover
from my injuries. The same guy that picked me up when I was wounded entered the
room in that moment. He smiled and pointed at my heart, “you’re a brave man,
strong like no other”. He opened the windows, moved the curtains, and let the
sun light come in, “How are you feeling?” he asked, with a soft, calming voice.
I tried to speak, I opened my mouth; but, nothing came out of my mouth. “Easy
tiger, you are recovering from an explosion, 5 days in a coma won’t do any good
to you” he laughed. 5 days in a coma!? I could not believe it! I didn’t know
where I was, but everything suggested a hospital. The smell of death all over
the place got to my nerves, and got me thinking for a good while. My face was
frozen until that guy interrupted my thoughts with a timid “Are you ok?” “Where
am I? Is this a hospital?” were my first questions. I wanted to know everything
that had happened during these five days. “Is Evans ok?” I inquired not waiting
for the answer to the previous question to arrive. “Ok, first of all, I have no
idea who that Evans person is. Secondly, this is not a hospital, you’re in our
sacred healing temple. Here is where important people come to be healed from
mind and spirit.” He said, “Who is this Evans guy you’re talking about?” he
continued; but, when I was about to answer, something terribly weird happened.
I was even more nervous now than when I had my
recruitment’s test, I had to pick her up in about two hours, but I was already feeling
nauseous. I was ready to leave the house, I was just waiting for my car to
arrive from the mechanic, and I was expecting it to arrive in 20 minutes so I’m
ready to pick it up. To calm my nerves a little bit, I prepared myself a cup of
dark and intense coffee. The sun was shining bright and gave me a good feeling.
In spite of all the things that were going on in my life, there was a constant feeling
of loneliness, of darkness up in my mind, reminding me that no matter how much
I tried to recover from it, I still was the one to be blamed for my best
friend’s death, and there was nothing I could do to fix it.
Just like when I had to leave for my appointment with
Dr. Johnson, depression took over my body again. With its rays, the sun was
laughing at me, like if it knew I didn’t want its light. But I needed light, I needed
help, I needed my pain to be removed, 12:35 and the car arrived. 12:56 and I was
laying down on the carpet of my living room for the eleventh minute. Demons
were haunting me, ‘you might as well die’ screamed a voice inside of my head. ‘I
rather just die’ my mind whispered. I knew I had to pick her up at 2 o’clock;
but, considering everything, I thought of cancelling our lunch, but I couldn’t.
“I’m ready for whenever you feel like coming” her
voice calmed me through the phone. “Becky” I said, “I’m in front of your house”
I replied. She came out looking prettier than the other day. “You’re gorgeous”
my mouth let it scape. She blushed in excitement, and we started our trip to
the coast, where the best restaurants were located.
An earthquake woke me up, just to realize it was not
the floor, but my own body. The pressure I felt in my chest and a blurry vision
of a ghost confused me. I could easily realize something different was messing
with me. I made an effort to focus, and I saw them: a lady dressed in pink, a
man with a torn Kurta robe and a young man. They were all floating in the air
right above me. “You disturbed us from our eternal rest, now we will disturb
you from yours” The lady said; but, I was astonished with the view of all that
was happening. I screamed, trying to
kick them out, but I couldn’t because they were too powerful for my own
strength. The lady in pink scratched my back with her long red nails, she
screamed and pushed me against the bed, “You have no idea what you’ve done!”
she yelled. It was my worst nightmare, only that I was not sleeping, it was the
realest thing I’ve ever experienced. The old man wearing the Kurta robe looked
at me with disdain in his eyes, like if he knew I was not the one to blame, but
he couldn’t help it. As guardians of the Temple, they needed to fulfill the
prophecies and warnings. The youngest of them was just messing around with
several parts of my body: pinching my legs, hitting my stomach, and slapping my
face. The pain was even worse than the pain I felt when the bomb exploded
several days ago.
Suddenly, after the whole weird scenario, they
disappeared leaving a big empty room full of bad energy. It was a heavy thing
to assimilate, how come they had to disturb me and not Evans? He was the one
fooling around with the explosives, he was the one who disobeyed the General,
and he was the one with suicidal instincts, not me.
We got to the beach and located the perfect spot to
rest for a while after that big lunch that we had had. Lobsters were good over
there; but, I decided to ask for shrimps, and they were not as good as one can
imagine they would be. Becky ordered a simple salad with chicken on one side. She
talked through the whole evening, we laughed a lot, and we drank white wine
during our meal. She was being really nice to me; but, I couldn’t take my mind
off from my depression attacks. Deep down my mind everything was shattered, and
I wanted to fix it. Becky was helping me little by little, with her soft sweet
voice and her pretty hazel eyes.
“So, when did you and Calvin became friends?” was her
question that took me by surprise. “It was in High school, we were both in
detention one day” I started, not sure if I had to tell her why we were in
detention, “we were young and crazy, suddenly he made a joke about Principal
Jeffers and I couldn’t help laughing” I continued. Those were good days, when
Calvin and I would go out and just enjoy life, and its blessings. Our
friendship was the biggest thing I had in my life. He was such a good adventure
partner, he always knew what to do to keep me having fun. One time we went to
the janitor’s office to borrow some brooms, because we had spilled confetti all
over the theater. Principal Jeffers was mad at us for being such immature kids.
“We became friends instantly, like love at first sight, but brotherly love” I
finished.
Becky looked at me with teary eyes, “that was so
beautiful” she cried, “I can imagine now why you are so affected, you were like
family, his death might have affected your inner response to stress; but, we’ll
talk about it later, we’re not in a session right here” she joked. I looked at
her deep in her eyes, and we both knew what we wanted to do, she licked her own
lips and bit the tip of her tongue. I inhaled more air that normal, like not
being able to breathe correctly. I know very little about love, I’ve never had
a girlfriend or something similar, Calvin was the one that normally picked up
chicks from parties and stuff. Somehow we ended up very close, my nose was
grazing hers, and my blood was rushing faster through my veins. I put my hand
in her neck, rubbing my thumb against her ear. I looked at her lips, ready to
be kissed. I leaned over her and stopped just a couple centimeters before
reaching her, I looked her in the eyes, and said “this is so wrong”. She
smiled, and replied “I know” and kissed me. Sweet, caring and deep. The best
kiss I’ve had in my entire life.
I woke up the next day feeling nauseous, during that night,
the lady in pink had returned to bother me a little more, she screamed as usual
with her hurtful noise. The doctor came in looking confused, “What happened to
you?” he inquired, “you’re really pale, your arms are all bruised, your eyes
look very tired, what is going on?” he stared at me. “Maybe you won’t believe
me, but three spirits came yesterday to piss me off. They were being rude, they
let me know they were really mad I had disturbed their eternal rest. I didn’t
understand a thing” I finished. The doctor’s face turned white. “Oh no” he
said, and left the room. He ran so fast I didn’t have the chance to ask him
about what had happened. Everything was so confusing, I only wanted to rest so
I slept a little while.
45 minutes had passed when the doctor woke me up
taking all my cables away. “You need to leave” he said, “immediately”. I was
shocked. “But, why?” I asked demanding an answer. I’ve done nothing wrong! I
know I haven’t, but those ghosts are haunting me, and now I have to leave the
temple, God knows why. My bruised arms could barely move, the pain was intense.
“Are you going to explain me why is this happening?” I yelled. They all looked
astonished; but one of them decided to stop whatever he was doing with my body
and got closer to me. “Look,” he started, “those ghosts that disturbed you last
night were not just simple ghosts. They were the Temple Eternal Guardians. When
you guys exploded that bomb, you set them free by breaking the statues that
kept them calmed. They need a blood sacrifice to go back to where they were
before, and that could be anyone of us if they get desperate” he said. “Can it
be me then?” I asked, trying to look calmed. “Right now, you can’t” he replied.
“Your friend that exploded the bomb is the first in this list” he ended.
They were all running, I couldn’t quite understand
everything they were telling me; but, I’m sure of this: If I wanted to save my
life, a blood sacrifice needed to be done. I love Evans; but, the only way I
can survive to this torture is to fly back home and tell him everything that
has happened. Australia seemed so far away from India; but, nothing that a
plane ticket couldn’t fix. So that’s how my adventure started: flying away to
my hometown just to tell my best friend, or whoever he used to be, that he
needed to die in order for me to live.
It shocked me when I heard someone banging at my door,
they were screaming their lungs out, I kind of recognized that voice; but, how
could Calvin be still alive? I rushed to the door while I yelled “I’m coming!”
to calm him a little. Then, everything felt surreal. Calvin was alive. He was
all energetic, and he looked terrible. “What happened to you?” I asked,
realizing later the mistake I had just made, I knew what had happened, he was
buried down with all the debris from the explosion, and I was not there to help
him. “How am I? Don’t you dare asking stupid questions Evans, you know you killed
us!” Calvin said firmly, “I was waiting for my best friend’s help; but, in
return I got demons, ghosts that were haunting me, all of this because you
decided to fool around and risk everyone’s life!” he shouted, angrier that
before, “I thought you were dead” I said, “I have missed you so very much dear
friend, you know you’re like a brother to me, If I had known you were alive I
would have helped you” I said with tears in my eyes. Calvin was alive, I
couldn’t believe it. All these weeks I’ve been wishing for a miracle, I dreamed
about this situation several times; but nothing prepared me for what I was
going to hear.
“You need to die” was the sentence that got stuck in
my head. Calvin explained to me every detail of what he experienced, I felt
terrible. I wanted to give my life up in that very second; the only problem was
that Becky gave me hope, she was my sunshine and my song, and I couldn’t let
her down. At least she had faith in me and in my recovery; but, Calvin was my
other half, my brother from another mother, I couldn’t let her down. I was full
of regret, if I could have a time machine and go back to when General Thomas
said no to the mission, I would have obeyed. I sincerely repent of all my
actions; but, at the same time, I’m grateful they led me to Becky, my wonderful
lady. Calvin stood there, with anger in his eyes, waiting for an answer. It was
my life that was in risk. But the dagger was there in front of me, waiting for
my arm to make a movement. I grabbed it and put it close to my heart; but,
suddenly, Becky knocked on the door, and Calvin opened it. She looked at me
with bright eyes and asked: “What are you going to do?” while tears appeared on
her eyes. I looked at Calvin with his bruised arms, I looked at Becky with her
bright smile. What was I supposed to do? Die for Calvin or live for Becky?
Finally I knew what I needed to do. I was going to do
whatever it took to be happy, and that included Becky and Calvin. So I grabbed
the dagger, I grabbed Becky’s hand and looked at Calvin’s eyes. It all comes
down to this very moment. Australia still seemed like a safe place to be for a
murderer.
